Groucho's comments

I'm a huge fan of Groucho Marx. His humor is sharp, unpredictable, and makes just enough sense to be thoughtful. Enjoy some of these remarks of his--

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.

Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed.

Blood's not thicker than money.

Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

Go, and never darken my towels again.

He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?.

I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make dry toast, instant coffee, hearts of lettuce and brownies. But as an added attraction, at no extra charge, my idea was to put a fried egg on the cover. I think a lot of people who hate literature but love fried eggs would buy it if the price was right.

I didn't like the play. But I saw it under unfavorable circumstances - the curtains were up.

I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that.

I love everything about you. Your lips, your eyes, your voice. The only thing I can't stand is you.

I must say that I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a book.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure.

I would horsewhip you if I had a horse.

I'd dance with you until the cows came home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with the cows until you came home.

I'm not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who are.

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

Nobody is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.

Now there sits a man with an open mind. You can feel the draft from here.

Oh, I know it's a penny here and a penny there, but look at me. I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.


OK, there is plenty more wit and wisdom from Groucho, but I wanted to keep this short so all can savor his remarks. Maybe some more in a later blog.