It’s hard to explain puns to
kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
“is it solipsistic in here, or is it
just me?”
A physicist, a mathematician and an
engineer were each asked to establish the volume of a red rubber ball.
The physicist immersed the ball in a
beaker full of water and measured the volume of the displaced fluid. The
mathematician measured the diameter and calculated a triple integral. The
engineer looked it up in his Red Rubber Ball Volume Table.
Who does Polyphemus hate more than
Odysseus?
Nobody!
A physicist, a mathematician and an
engineer stay in a hotel.
The engineer is awakened by a smell
and gets up to check it. He finds a fire in the hallway, sees a nearby fire
extinguisher and after extinguishing it, goes back to bed.
Later that night, the physicist gets
up, again because of the smell of fire. He quickly gets up and sees the fire in
the hallway. After calculating air pressure, flame temperature and humidity as
well as distance to the fire and projected trajectory, he extinguishes the fire
with the least amount of fluid.
At last, the mathematician awakes,
only again to find a fire in the hallway. He instantly sees the extinguisher
and thinks, “A solution exists!”, and heads back into his room.
Entropy isn’t what it used to be.
Did you hear about the suicidal
homeopath? He took 1/50th of the recommended dose.
A biologist, a chemist, and a
statistician are out hunting. The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5ft to
the left, the chemist takes a shot and misses 5ft to the right, the
statistician yells “We got ‘em!”
There are two types of people in the
world: Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data sets
There are two types of people in the
world: Those who crave closure
Did you hear about the man who got
cooled to absolute zero?
He’s 0K now.
The programmer’s wife tells him:
“Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.”
The programmer comes home with 12
loaves of bread.
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