Laughter is good for you

OK, times have been tough, but there are always jokes to help us survive. Here are some favorites of mine taken from Reader’s Digest.


Man at counter of a business selling cell phones: "I figured out how to send E-mails and faxes, take photos, play games, and film videos, but what I'd really like to do is make a phone call."

I dialed the wrong number and got the following recording: "I'm not available right now, but I thank you for caring enough to call. I'm making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the beep. If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes."

Woman on telephone: "That sounds expensive. Is there anyway you could ship it without handling it?"

Bad weather meant I was stuck overnight at O'Hare Airport in Chicago. Along with hotel accommodations, the airline issued each passenger a $10 meal ticket called a chit. That evening after dinner I presented my meal ticket to the cashier. "Is this chit worth $10?" I asked. Looking up nervously the cashier responded, "I'm sorry, sir. Was the meal that bad?"

I'm an attendant in a laundromat. A woman came in, sat near my counter and chain-smoked cigarette after cigarette. The smoke was bothering me, so I turned on the fan. "Could you please point that thing in another direction?" she asked. "I'm just getting over pneumonia and the last thing I need is a breeze blowing on me."

A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.

There's no such thing as fun for the whole family.

My sister was busy getting ready to host our entire family for Easter. On her to-do list was a hair appointment for her daughter. "So, Katie," said the stylist as the little girl got up in the chair, "who's coming to your house this weekend with big ears and floppy feet?" Katie replied, "I think it's my Uncle Brian."

No matter how old a mother is, she watches her middle-aged children for signs of improvement.

If pregnancy were a book, they would cut the last two chapters.

When it comes to raising children, I believe in give-and-take. I give orders and they take them.

Visiting his parents’ retirement village in Florida, my middle-aged friend, Tim, went for a swim in the community pool while his elderly father took a walk. Tim struck up a conversation with the only other person in the pool, a five-year-old boy. After a while, Tim's father returned from his walk and called out, "I'm ready to leave." Tim then turned his new friend and announced that he had to leave because his father was calling. Astonished, the wide-eyed little boy cried, "You're a kid?"

One of my fourth graders asked my teacher's assistant, "How old are you, Mrs. Glass?" "You should never ask an adult’s age," I broke in. "That's okay," Harriet said smiling. "I'm 50." "Wow, you don't look that old," the boy said. I was breathing a sigh of relief when another child chimed in, "Parts of her do."

As my five-year-old son and I were heading to McDonald's one day, we passed a car accident. Usually when we see something terrible like that, we say a prayer for whoever might be hurt, so I pointed and said my son, "We should pray." From the back seat I heard his earnest voice: "Dear God, please don't let those cars block the entrance to McDonald's."