Short, short stories

As an English teacher, I appreciate good writing. The following is something that caught my eye from wired.com. Hemingway once wrote a story in just six words ("for sale: baby shoes, never worn.") And supposedly said that was his best work. So wired asked science fiction, fantasy, and horror writers to take a shot at equally short stories (they had to be six words long). Here they are:

1. Computer, did we bring batteries? Computer? (Eileen Gunn)

2. Vacuum collision. Orbits diverge. Farewell, love. (David Brin)

3. Gown removed carelessly. Head, less so. (Joss Whedon)

4. Automobile warranty expires. So does engine. (Stan Lee)

5. Wasted day. Wasted life. Dessert, please. (Stephen Meretzky)

6. "Cellar?" "Gate to, uh… Hell, actually." (Ronald Moore)

7. Epitaph: foolish humans, never escaped Earth. (Vernor Vinge)

8. It cost too much, staying human. (Bruce Sterling)

9. We kissed. She melted. Mop please! (James Patrick Kelly)

10. It's behind you! Hurry before it . . . (Rockne O'Bannon)

11. Lie detector eyeglasses perfected: civilization collapses. (Richard Powers)

12. The baby's blood type? Human, mostly. (Orson Scott Card)

13. We went solar; sun went nova. (Ken MacLeod)

14. Time Machine Reaches Future!!!… Nobody there… (Harry Harrison)

15. Tick tock tick tock tick tick. (Neal Stephenson)

16. Easy. Just touch the match to . . . (Ursula K. Le Guin)

A great reminder and challenge

As a Christian, I am interested in sharing the good news with others. This often involves the use of apologetics, a rational defense of Christianity. I came across an interview with Margaret Manning, who is part of the Ravi Zacharias apologetics ministry. She was asked if she had any encouragement for Christians who desire to defend the truth of Christ in our pluralistic world, and any advice she had for skeptics and those who are searching for answers. I thought she did a good job, so I'd like to include it here:

I would encourage Christians to be good listeners first, and speakers second. The epistle  of James encourages Christians to be "quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger." When we truly give people the opportunity to be heard, and when we listen carefully, we can ask the kinds of questions that illuminate the reality, the coherence, and the beauty of the gospel even in a pluralistic world. Jesus was always engaging in conversations in which he asked questions – sometimes without answering them himself – but asking, and allowing the hearer to ponder and reflect on the question. The second thing I would say to encourage Christians is to remember that God is the author and finisher of salvation. We simply bear witness, but God is the one who saves. We can leave that work up to God as we are faithful to sow seeds, water them, and prepare the soil around them. God is the one who harvests! To those who are skeptical about Christian faith, or to those who are seeking, I would encourage you to reflect on the life and ministry of Jesus. Read about him in the four gospel portraits of his life. Continue to ask questions and continue to be open to the ways in which God breaks out of all the categories we try to construct. As author Philip Yancey once wrote in his book Reaching for the Invisible God, remember "that knowledge – of God, people, or anything else – involves uncertainty and demands an act of faith."

A setback for the global warming alarmists

Remember how Al Gore and his minions went around scaring everyone about global warming? Then, when that didn't pan out so well, the new term became climate change (nice and vague since climate changes all the time). Well, there's been another problem for the sky-is-falling crowd. this time it's the U. N. and its Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, which is on the record of saying that it is 95% sure that human activity — the burning of fossil fuel for energy — is causing our planet to warm. But what will they say now with a coming global cooling? And one is coming. At least that's what the IPCC itself reportedly is saying.

The London Telegraph wrote Sunday that a leaked IPCC report "has led some scientists to claim that the world is heading for a period of cooling that will not end until the middle of this century." Wow.

The newspaper has noted, "There has been a 60% increase in the amount of ocean covered with ice compared to this time last year, the equivalent of almost a million square miles." But it wasn't that long ago that we were told an iceless Arctic was coming. We were also told to watch for a terrible increase in global-warming-caused disastrous storms. Oops--that didn't happen either.

Here's the key: Earth has not warmed in at least 16 years, maybe more. Data from Britain's Met Office, that nation's arbiter of all things climate, shows global temperatures have been flat since the late 1990s.

So, what's ahead for the alarmists? Their prestige (and, more importantly, their money) depends on further hysterical utterances to make governments cough up more to them--money and power. So this is not over--more lies ahead (pun intended).

Fun with our language--sniglets

As an English teacher, I am naturally attracted to language. I came across something interesting put together by Richard Lederer. He asked readers to submit sniglets to him, which are defined as words that don't appear in the dictionary but should. Here are some which he wouldn't presented to his readers in a column he has in the San Diego Union-Tribune.

1. Stroodle – the annoying piece of cheese stretching from a slice of hot pizza to one's mouth.

2. Ignosecond – that overlapping moment when the hand is locking the car door even as the brain is saying, "My keys are in there!"

3. Popduds – the unpopped corn kernels left at the bottom of your microwave popcorn bag.

4. Lipstuck – the lipstick print on your wine glass.

5. Gashole – the person who fails to pull to the forward pump when refueling.

6. Syruptitious – sneaking more flavoring on your waffle.

7. Sickopants – those slavish acolytes of politicians or celebrities who willingly tolerate or enjoy sexual harassment by their idols.

8. Muttchkin – a tiny toy terrier of questionable ancestry.

9. Adsnot – the clear, elastic, squishy material used to seal junk mail, flyers and to adhere sample credit cards to bank advertising.

10. Teendenytis – a characteristic of your 16-year-old, who forgot to refill your gas tank, or who "didn't" put that ding in your new car.

11. Lateitude – a snarky excuse for one's tardiness.

12. Squinthogs – people who fail to turn down their high beams when driving at night, blinding the oncoming traffic.

13. Grammo – a violation of the rules of grammar, on the order of typo.

More wisdom from Yogi

Hello again. Here's my second blog devoted to the sayings of Yogi Berra.

1. On one cold spring-training day, he said, "I'm wearing these gloves for my hands."

2. One day some sports writers wanted Berra to go with them to a dirty movie. He refused, but they kept on insisting that he go with them. "Well," said Yogi, "who's in it?"

3. "If you ask me anything I don't know, I'm not going to answer."

4. One time a radio interviewer told Berra before the broadcast that they were going to play a free association game. He was going to throw out a few names and Yogi was to say the first thing that popped into his mind. Yogi agreed, and they went on the air. The interviewer told the fans what they were going to do and then turned to Yogi and said, "Mickey Mantle." Yogi's response: "What about him?"

              

5. Once he and some other ballplayers were playing golf. The rule was that everybody teed off, but then they only played the best of the balls. Yogi had a nice drive, but another ballplayer hit one that was just a bit better. Berra lingered next to his ball that he had hit so well. "If I was playing alone," he said wistfully, "I'd play mine."                 

                                                                                                                                                                                                                 

6. "You can observe a lot by watching."

7. His manager, Casey Stengel, once asked Yogi what he would do if he found $1 million. Yogi's response: "If the guy was real poor, I'd give it back to him."

8. One time he gave a writer directions to a racquetball club that he co-owned. Regarding how long the writer should stay on one stretch of the road, Yogi said, "It's pretty far, but it doesn't seem like it."

9. "You give 100% in the first half of the game, and if that isn't enough, in the second half you give what's left."